LEAVING YESTERDAY
Wenyao

There are some things in life we have no control over, and that's what destiny is.
Thursday, August 16, 2012, 10:56:00 PM
Time

Been a while. Quite a while, since anything actually happened. I have no idea what to do now. It feels like I'm in the middle dangling. All my brothers are kinda busy with their new changes, and here I am, doing nothing fruitful.

Been a while, Wenyao. Running away is the perfect phrase to describe what I am doing right now. But I really don't know what to do now. I have like leaps and bounds to catch up. But it seems like I'd already given up on the race.

There's one thing I learnt, one must know his own limits. Well, I used to be so naive, thinking so highly about myself and such. Now that I learnt this lesson the hard way, I think that I was so dumb in the past.

I need a lot of changes. I need a job. I need a social circle. I need a new hobby. I need to go classes. I need to start going gym again. I need to start running again. I need to find routines to do.

I know, I know. But every morning I don't know how to start. In the end, nothing gets done. People has been asking me out lately. I just come out with excuses saying that I'm busy. When in fact, I'm just staring at my screen.

I used to be very optimistic and think that if something goes wrong, don't worry, everything haven't gone wrong. Well, I always tell others that when you are at the bottom of your luck, don't fret, you can't drop further. But all these are just sayings that I tell people, when myself gets into a low period, it doesn't work.

I have a very bad headache now, people spamming on whatsapp issn't helping. I keep telling myself I need some time to spend with myself. Well, I did gave myself half a year. Things need to change.

I used to take life like a race, where you have to beat others to be considered successful. Come to think of it, that is so childish. Why feel proud beating others when you can't even beat yourself?

I have a lot of deadlines coming. Nothing is helping. My dad don't even bother to talk to me now. My mum just leaves me alone. Sometimes I really feel alone at home, even though I am not the only one at home.

Most of the time, I just lock myself in my room, play some computer games, watch some dramas.

Other time, I lie on my bed, thinking what went wrong.

Fights that I gave up. Dreams that I told myself to do. They seem so far now.

I kinda placed a lot of her in the past now. I have to move ahead. Some people ask me what kind of girls I like, you know, like. I used to have so much wants. What age, hair, height, ethnicity and other rubbish wants. But all I really hope to have is a girl whom just want to spend time together, regardless of looks, weight, or whatever.

Courage. I need courage. Too much fear, too much wait, too much procrastination.

P.S Life is about living now, not sacrificing now to live in the future.