LEAVING YESTERDAY
Wenyao

There are some things in life we have no control over, and that's what destiny is.
Monday, December 12, 2011, 9:40:00 PM
Tomorrow

It is a brand new day tomorrow.

I got my report book. And I failed. No hard feelings, but I guess we don't really fit each other that well. Oh well..

To be completely honest, I knew I failed. I was the one who took the test, how wouldn't I know how well I fare?

I chose this day to collect my report book. Actually, I did it on purpose. Because tomorrow is the start of my work, and I want things to start fresh.

I feel a lot more free now. It is like a lot of loads are off my shoulders. Suddenly, I don't feel obligated that much. It feels like starting a second life.

Ask me if I am sad. I would say yes. I wouldn't lie. But if I spend every single minute of my life thinking about how well I fared yesterday, and completely do nothing about it, I am going to waste my next minute away.

So yeah, I can do the maths. Not that I am not bothered by it, but I see it as a learning point. A lot of lessons learnt. The price was paid, so why not I try to learn something from it?

I won't dwell about yesterday. Maybe I am really not good enough, sit back and waste my time away?

That's so not Wenyao. I need to start believing in myself. I am awesome, I really am. Everyone has 24 hours, so do I. But what is different is that I use my 24 hours differently.

Making myself better should be a life time resolution. I took a break, a long one rather. A break that lasted a few months. These few months, I literally wasted myself away. I was blinded by a lot of superficial things, but I really have to thank someone, she woke me up. She is Guanlin.

"When I knew you at first, you said you wouldn't do this, you wouldn't do that. Look at what you are doing now, making coffee for others, carrying stuff. Did you just become someone that you said you won't turn into?"

It was these words that spur me to collect my report book. I knew of the poor ending, but I kept wanting to run away from the fact that I am still not good enough. 

"Don't put any part of your work at risk just because of possible love."

This is from Rujun. She is another one that I am really grateful about. But I failed her. Well, she is always there when I need someone to talk to.

"You have reached the level whereby you have no choice but to make another step forward."

Jisin. He told me, I had learnt whatever I could at this point that there is no other way out other than the fact to face the report book. Either I pass, I move on. Or I fail and do something about it.

"You are just like my brother."

Yeah, her. Maybe it is of our best interests to keep things this way.

The long insomnia will probably end tonight. Hmmm.. maybe tomorrow.

Life is not supposed to be easy. Why would it be?

p.s. I got to fight for what's right.