LEAVING YESTERDAY
Wenyao

There are some things in life we have no control over, and that's what destiny is.
Tuesday, November 1, 2011, 10:45:00 PM
Torn

I guess it's all over. All I want now is for things to go back to what it was before, but I know it will never happen. Well, I caused all these bullshit. I have to face the consequences I suppose.

Maybe the problem lies with me. I don't really know. Am I still not good enough? So what is good enough?

Am I really not worth the time? I always told myself that maybe its not the right time. But come to think of it, are those just excuses?

I don't know. I really don't know what I can do now. Pulling out is an option, but at what cost?

How will people look at me? I realize I don't have any close friends in EY. People probably take me as some retard or stupid guy and take advantage of me. Yeah, I know, you all say Wenyao is a great guy. Just because this idiot here goes out of his way to help you do all your shit.

Not that I need to feel appreciated, all I want is someone that I can talk to. Who's there? I thought that if I'd put in enough effort, people will tend to mix around. But obviously that's not the case.

I told myself I'll never allow her to screw up any part of my work or career. But things are easier said than done. I guess I did screw up a little.

I tried to pull myself out of this mess, but does anyone know how hard is it?? The fucked up part is she appears before you every fucking day.

Act like you don't know her and you are some loser. Face her and you cant get over it yourself, or rather get pass yourself.

Day by day I feel the distance creeping between me and her. Or maybe I keep reminding myself that I have to draw the line. I guess things will be better after this week. School's ending and I'll be quite busy with my insane schedule.

I hate myself now. I really do. I guess no one will understand how stupid I think I am now.

Every single time that I have time to think, I'll try my best to find reasons why I should not like her. I can come out with a million reasons, but will it really work??

All these are like a lie. A way for me to escape reality. A way to just hide my my own world.

But we all know we have to wake up some day. Suddenly I want this day to come earlier.

P.s. Work is not killing me, you are.