Today's schedule said I should be at the gym after work. But my determination was weak today. For some reason, the word tomorrow came to my mind. Yeah, I suppose I procrastinated.

A lot of things actually happened through this weekend. But a lot more went through my mind. One lesson learnt was actually patience. I didn't have a lot of patience. But I guess he didn't as well.

What happened actually struck me hard. Very hard. It made me think of the attitude I had towards the people around me. Did I actually have an ulterior motive? Am I really into this? Or am I just trying to be one?

I don't know.

Trying to be nice is very fearsome. It means you are actually not and more likely to be the direct opposite of nice, which is selfish. All that we had done, was it for our own benefit or just for the happiness of others within our circle?

I don't know.

What makes me happy?

I don't know. There were many instances where I actually felt light hearted. Maybe I am borne to be a comedian, giver, entertainer. I felt happier if the people around me were happy. I love to see those smiles around me. But I hardly like to smile.

I feel that all that I'd done is worthwhile for the smiles and real happiness of the people around me. And if you think I'm lying, you can drag your mouse to the top right hand corner and click, I don't care.

These might sound bullshit, but I have no reason to lie.

Many times, it was never WHAT I was doing, but WHO I was with. I don't care if we all sat down in the park and look at each other for the whole day. As long as you all smiled, I'd be contented.

Of all the times I disagreed with the details of another meet up, I personally don't care. But I just hope that none of the people around me had to compromise.

I don't mind to be the laughing stock of everyone, but I hate to be left out. This is for real.

I really HATE to be left out.

Well, that is the reason that strives me to go on. I myself have absolutely no desire for luxury goods, I'd do it just to make myself merge into the crowd.

I want to buy a car. Like seriously, I WANT TO BUY A CAR.

I need to wake up my idea. I need to work harder, but I lack the motivation.. Sometimes I just wish someone would just come up and tell me to persevere, but I know that will never happen.

I know I am not making sense, but whatever, I'm tired. Maybe someday I'd be sober and write something thats making sense, but its just not today.

Tomorrow, I'd work harder. Time is limiting. I need to change, and the change needs to be quick. I need stop those degrading look onto me. I don't have much time and I need to start making things WORK.

Tomorrow, I'd be different. I'd change for the better.