Life is full of ups and downs. We never know what will the next step be. Its like walking the stairs blindfolded, you never know if the next step will make you crumbling down back to the initial place.

Work has progressed into a plateau that I am comfortable at. Well, to be honest, I don't really care. I doubt my superior will ever fire me. I analysed the situation. Then I came up with these reasons why you are pretty safe from being fired:

1.) Risk of uncertainty. So far during my work, I didn't screw things up. I did what any normal person would have done. Thus, anyone in the right frame of mind will not take addition risks to fire me and get another replacement. As long as you have a rating of lets say 6-7/10, I suppose you are safe. You never know what will the next replacement will be, maybe 4, 5? Thats too much a risk to take in my humble opinion.

2.) Risk of not getting replacement. There's chance that the company will never find any replacement for me. Thus, it is unrealistic to fire me when they have not found any replacement for me. If there is replacement for me, I will more likely to know.

3.) Transition time. Even if you find a worker that is better than me. He will require some transition time to catch up with the flow. During this crucial time, the work piles up. In order to clear the pile, the new worker will have to work OT. Which is not really a much appreciated idea for any newcomer.

With the above, I conclude that I will more likely to be kept by my firm till whenever I want to quit.

I need to continue working hard. I stopped my regime for a few days due to the fact that I was not feeling well. Now that the momentum is gone, I find it a little harder to step back into track. But I shall do it, I shall push myself to another level that I had never attained before.

Time is running short, the deadlines are coming. I don't see change yet. I will strive harder..

Many things crossed my mind, my emotions are mixed up. My mind is in a mess, all I do is run away from the problems with my rigid regime. I'm not at all sane, you drive me insane. All the things that you said, they keep coming back to my mind. All the hints that I sense, I can't let go of them. Or maybe its all a false front, maybe time will smoothen my thoughts and in time to come, I will see the light.