Twists In My Story.

After several days of thinking and ponders, I came to the conclusion that I will no longer write on this online diary. Why? I suppose I asked this to myself over and over during these few days, the verdict is I don't know. But why did I write this in the first place? I read through what I wrote in the past one year repeatedly. All I can say is: This is not me.

In the initial stage, I wanted a place for me to really talk to myself, somewhere where I can do reflection. Ever since, I tried to write on thoughts and beliefs that I have. I realised all that I did came to vain. Things will not turn out as what we expect. As the Murphy's Law states, 'Anything will go wrong will go wrong.' This is true. Life have not been good on my side, I have put upon my stride and brought things to a level where I have never been to.

Frequently, we tend to lie to ourselves. Or maybe its just me. When things go out of the normal track, we cannot just sit back and tell ourselves this is fate. When things go beyond what we planned, we must believe that this is luck. However, the latter does not happen frequently. People tend to encourage you and tell you that, 'Hey, this is life. Get over it.' Life is a job, I accepted this. But whether we can be a happy accountant, a sad doctor or a emotional lawyer depends on how we look at things. Is the glass half empty, or half filled?

After read over and over again on what I actually wrote, I realise some of this stuff that I wrote were not actually what I meant. Things are restrictive on this page, even when I write this line. I have to think of whoever WILL read this. When this happens, it defeats the initial purpose of scribing this post. These few days had been bad on me, and like what I believe in, when we get stuck in whatever we do, its best to go back to the initial step and review on what is wrong.

I took a step back, I believe I saw the picture. I saw the flaw. But I also believe its too late. Time can heal all wounds, but the scar will remain. I spent one minute trying to write this line. Why? I am backspacing half the time, because I know whatever I write I have to be responsible. I can be frank to everyone, tell everyone what I think about them. But will it work? Chances are no, people only like to hear the right thing. You are a ... ... ... driver. You can ... .... .... in a F1 race. Remember this commercial?

When things turn nasty, all I can tell you is: Take a step back and think hard on what you did or will do. Tell me who can I talk to when people around me talk about different topics. Half of my friends talk to me about my future: 'Hey, are you going to stay in Singapore?' 'Wah, people say Singapore hard to survive. Everywhere also so expensive, not human stay one.' 'Eh, you think properties are worth investing?' 'Eh, you what age want to buy car?'

On the other side of the pastures, they ask me: 'Eh that hero nice a not?' 'Wah, Batride so G*y' 'Wah, they nerf Sven again ar?' 'Eh, now maplestory come out maple2 leh. you got play?'

This teaches you a lesson: never ever do something wrong. Even if others tell you it doesn't matter, let me tell you: it does. Next Monday, I have to attend my friend's wedding dinner. So I have to change my mindset again. I cannot go in there and talk to others about PotM or Horntail. Now someone tell me, who understands me? Yeah, I have to know this I have to know that. People ask me why I still like that. I don't know how to answer.

I told him, I don't know how to start telling you what went wrong. Things are so bad that I don't know where to start. Everything is in a mess.

Eh Wenyao, if you have nothing to do, then go do something lah, ask some friends come out or what loh. Wow, easily said. Whoever is reading this, if I am quite sure that I did asked people to come out. Half of my friends are in university, having their mid-term quizzes this month. The other quater are no longer in Singapore. The rest stays at home.

Another typical question: Eh, your school nothing to do in holidays de meh? GOT LAH. But who will go with me? I remember when Dennis Sim ask for volunteers for the school event, I asked Andrew/Derek immediately. I got a negative response. Aiya, then go alone lah. Sounds like a plan, let me tell you. I had been there, done that. Whats good about going to a group of students who are already in their small groups. And you are the only loner there trying to 'GET CCA POINTS'. You tell me.

I also know that by writing these, I will tend to piss a lot of people off. But I know I have to. I deleted all posts that I wrote in the past 2 days. Those will probably start World War III if people read them. But as I wrote just now, its pointless when you have to hide something that you want to portray.

I've also decided to quit DotA like how I quit Maplestory. Deleted all hard copies of Warcraft III from my thumbdrives and my computer. I've decided that whenever I have two hours of free time, I will go out to get some fresh air. Maybe have a run or sit down in the park.

In the past, there are a lot of times where I have already started to write a diary post. But after writing it, I closed Google Chrome. Why? I see no point in writing stuff to make people happy or angry. I even have resort to writing stuff to let people know what I want them to know. When I think of it, its PATHETIC. It is really sad when you have to use a channel like a blog to communicate. Sometimes when I think of what I'm writing, I snickered. I cannot believe that I'm writing these shit.

Everyday when I am either lying on my bed, walking down the street, watching commercials on the TV, I thought of many things that I want to write about. And yet many of such things I cannot write here. So whats the point of writing here anymore?

Chances are that I will start a written diary, write what I really want to in this book. Maybe this is spark off the difference of what I should be and what I am doing. See, I'm backspacing again. Sometimes when things I that write does not go in sensible chronological order, then I'm backspacing on the things that I wrote.

Well, if after reading this, you want to contact me or something. Feel free to sms/call/leave me a message at msn.

I still remember to started this blog with It's Not Over - Secondhand Serenade. Got another really nice song to end with: Ice-Cream (Talk to me).