LEAVING YESTERDAY
Wenyao

There are some things in life we have no control over, and that's what destiny is.
Monday, March 9, 2009, 10:55:00 PM
Dashed

Rain Day


new week, bad start.. woke up early in the morning.. early as in early.. 4am... for what reason? i don't know.. just couldn't get to sleep.. i laid on my bed thinking of what to do later.. hmm.. nothing much crossed my mind.. i don't have anything that i WANT to do.. my life seems aimless.. i dont know what i want. it seems lame. but its true.. i don't have a hobby, i don't have a past-time.. as precious time ticks by, i think im already placing my leg into my grave.. every sec that i breathe now is another step into my tombstone. i understand that every moment is precious, but i dont know how to use my time.


i tried. i tried v hard.. i started to do things that i dont desire.. i dont wanna do them.. but i have to do coz of this ever changing and fucked up society. if i don't join the trend, im dead. life is fair, thats what my mum told me..but.. is it? think again.. does hardwork eventually lead to success? u sure?


the rain set me thinking.. i was such a bastard in the past. is this retribution? i think so.. i used to think that this is crap.. but now.. i kinda start to believe in fate and karma.. after the rain, the rainbow will come.. if u realise, the rainbow doesn't always appear.. only at sometimes, when u are lucky.. think again, if u are really lucky.. do you need rain to see the rainbow? i doubt so..


the shower eventually stopped and i am still sitting on my bed.. i looked into the sky.. i saw these birds, they were flying here and there.. then i realise something, they dont fly alone.. they fly in flocks.. in the past few weeks, i told myself.. whats the big deal about being alone? a person cant be happy when hes alone? i don't know. i only know that im not at all satisfied with my current life. will it change for the better? am i the sole owner of my life? do i seriously control every aspect of my life? is what im suffering now all due to my past doings? im regretting now.. but will i regret? is life just about regrets?


watch this TV programme yesterday, there this scene where made my eyes watery... there was this guy who broke the law and need to serve his jail sentence... then this girl which loved him was chasing the police van, shouting: i will wait for you. the guy was a hooligan, a good for nothing in our present society. the girl had a rich background and was pretty.. yeah.. nah.. im not implying anything here.. but its a scene that really touched me and set my thoughts going..


went to the gym today.. nothing much.. didnt really maximise the trip.. well, i guess i hit the gradual slope of the exponential curve.. actually i was supposed to watch Marley and Me on sunday evening.. but once again, tio pang seh by nafang and celest.. haiz.. i really wan watch that movie one loh..


i think im a practical person.. i dont do things if they dont have a ending or result.. hmm.. its like i like dogs, i can train dogs. but i WONT be a dog trainer.. coz it has no future.. another simplier example is what im studying now. every other friend of mine was shocked when i told them im taking accountancy.. they told me: u sure a not? u're not those who can sit in office 24/7 one leh.. haha.. seriously i dont know if i can do it a not loh. but.. bo bian.. i dont have a choice.. im late.. i cant afford to make mistakes anymore.. this is a very safe course.


and 1 more last thing b4 i end, i seriously detest those who reply 'Yes?' on msn when i say hi.. u give the feeling that i need a reason to talk to you.. i think its very rude.. sometimes i just want to find someone to talk to.. and the 'Yes?' will just piss me off.. yeah if u know me well enough, this applies on me too.. if i reply: 'Yes?' this means that i am busy or i do not want to have a reasonless conversation with you.. so.. i guess i made myself very clear on this..