LEAVING YESTERDAY
Wenyao

There are some things in life we have no control over, and that's what destiny is.
Sunday, March 15, 2009, 9:54:00 PM
15th March 2009

Lightning Day


Another day of rot for me.. boring.. same shit over and over again.. its like waking up in the morning and waiting for the sun to fall.. its like waiting for death to creep to my bedside and bring me away.. staring at the sky.. i like to count stars when im bored.. coz i nvr grow bored when i do that coz everytime when i reach 1/2 the stars count, i will lose count.. and i get to start over and over again.. till i finally get tired and go to slp.. maybe one day.. i might be able to finish counting all the stars that i can see from my bed..


as i was about to get out of bed today, i refused.. not that i want to slp longer or what.. i just want to think about myself on bed.. do some reflections and maybe i can then become a better guy..



4 years ago, i regretted playing basketball when i was in secondary sch..i skipped classes for that mindless game.. then, i told myself, i will not indulge in these stupid and silly things again.. then came DotA.. well.. another few years wasted..


now i tell myself that gaming is a waste of time.. well.. im wondering what will i think on the same day 4 years later? will i still be regreting? will i?


i have a lot of questions in my heart that i wanna ask.. i don't know why i've become like this.. what made me change? was it her? was it my studies? friends? my thailand trip? army? or what soever.. if i had this thinking 4 years back... i know i wont be doing this now.. i know i wont.. losing sucks.. the taste of failure is like stabbing u on the heart a million times.. it sucks when u know why u lost.. i lost a lot.. i lost my friends, my hope, my heart, trusts.. everything..


sometimes i wonder if i really have a reason to exist in this world.. well.. maybe.. or maybe not..


i could be such a better person.. if only i had known this from the start.. why do people have to make mistakes in order to learn? why cant everyone be perfect? is life just about regrets?


the rainbow doesnt always come out after the rain.. i already dont aim to see the rainbow. i just want the rain to stop.. we all know that we never know how long the rain will last.. a few days? a few weeks? or even ur lifetime.. so.. a simple qn.. if ur rain is gonna last ur lifetime, is it worth living? living in constant pain and regret. every moment you take is torture and agony.


its sunday.. tml is monday.. the day after tml is tuesday.. and this will go on and forth.. even till the day i die it wont stop.. i dont know when it will be.. tell me that treasure what u have in front of you.. and what if theres nothing to treasure? nothing to appreciate?
someone tell me whats wrong with me.. i will change, i promise.. i promise..