LEAVING YESTERDAY
Wenyao

There are some things in life we have no control over, and that's what destiny is.
Wednesday, September 3, 2008, 10:58:00 PM
Heaven's Joke

Rainy Day


Uneventful day for me. Read AirFrame by Michael Crichton, quite a interesting book. its about a a plane turbulence that caused 3 deaths and many injured. however, its not juz an accident. there are more than what meets the eye. well, juz started reading, thats about all i know.. started reading books coz i didnt have much to do at work. dunno whether boss will mind me reading a not.. dun care lah.. temp job anyway.. gonna quit when sch reopens.. i dun think he will sack me in any case lah.. i did my part and only read when i have nothing to do.. somemore the company is in need of manpower.. so yeah, i guess its ok to read when i am free bah..


today, i think about myself again.. why i so cui??? i thought of some lame excuses for myself. maybe i dun have a close sibling to teach me bah.. i am not trying to shift the blame.. i am juz trying to state the problem and the root of it. if theres someone to blame, its me.. i didnt do enough to make myself a better person. i thought that if i had a elder brother that could teach me how to learn, it would be easier on my side.. its not about learning things, its about learning how to learn.. its like the saying: give a man a fish and hes not hungry for the day; teach the man how to fish, and hes able to feed himself forever..


sometimes i feel really useless, i have such a big head. but i dun have brains. cant really make gd use of it.. i read quite a few books on how to maximise the use of ur brain, but they aint working.. i followed some steps and i still feel as stupid.. dunno why leh.. maybe borned to be dumb de.. cannot change.. everyday keep whining about this issnt gonna bring me anyway.. i guess i have to do something about it.. i dunno what can i do.. but i have to get started.. i will accept any help with this..

today at work, lady boss saw me doing nothing leh.. but i think she really biased.. she see me doing nothing also nvr scold me.. but when she sees her secretary doing nothing, shes dead.. she nvr scold me lah.. she still joke with me.. she say: "hey, u know i dun like to see ppl hanging around nothing to do? it makes my eyes turn red.. u know what i mean by eyes turn red?" Wa i listen liao stun.. den i faster go find something to do.. act busy loh..


39 days, who am i to blame?? Me? should be bah... i have never felt angry that she did this to me.. but why did she do it? the reason is coz i am not ideal. ya.. i can say a thousand of negative words to describe myself. i understand its over.. but i juz cannot get over it.. sorry if this pisses anyone off, but its true.. pieces of shattered glass will have cracks even when they are pieced together.. so yeah, i guess no chance ler.. but i hope this is a wake up call for me bah.. dun have so big head dun find so big hat.. i still think of her.. hope i can erase those thoughts and juz put my mind into work/ studies, trying bah.. takes time..

i juz hope i dun think of her tml like how i did yesterday..